Maintaining Marriage in Tough Times

Don't Let the storm carry away your Marriage

Thirty+ Tips from Storm Weatherers

Everyone’s marriage goes through difficult times and your child having cancer is definitely one of the toughest tests of your partnership. Still, having your spouse’s support can make all the difference in how you come out on the other side. Here is a list of tips our (experienced) team wants to share with you to keep your marriage healthy during hard times. Many of these were taught to us from our Christian background so you will find references to the verses we ourselves refer to.

Chill Out with Your Spouse

In between ER visits, operations, medication schedules, or whatever difficulty you have going on, you NEED to have time to decompress and get ready for whatever is coming next. Doing this with your spouse will add enjoyment, strength and endurance to your marriage.

Cuddle
Laugh
Watch television (Matthew 6:34)
Order takeout
Go on a date
Share how you felt about the day and listen to your spouses feelings (James 1:19)
Be accepting of the way your spouse expresses their grief, sadness, etc.
Look on the bright side (Psalms 118:24)
Seek spiritual guidance together

Lean on Support Systems

You and your spouse are already having a tough time. Leaning on someone who is struggling as much as you are can lead to you both falling down. During this time, you need to tap into as much solid support as you can. Let go of any pride and ask for the help you need.

Pray for any and everything (Philippians 4:6)
Ask friends to hang out or talk on the phone (Proverbs 18:24)
Ask family to family to help watch kids, clean the house, or research solutions
Ask neighbors to help out with the yard
Ask church family or co-workers to help out with meals (Galatians 6:2)
Ask your network to help out financially

Release Negativity

Likely by now, there have already been some bad habits that have formed and disappointments that have decreased trust and affection. Going through a tough season is the time to put those things in perspective and dump out everything from the inside that is causing pain so you can both focus on the attacks from the outside.

Pump the brakes on habits that hurt your marriage
As a couple, decide you will not let a diagnosis or anything else separate you
Stop rehearsing the negative things your spouse says and does in your mind over and over (Col 3:13)
Choose grace and think about something positive they did (Philippians 2:3)
“In your anger, do not sin, do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,” Ephesians 4:26
Communicate what you want and need in simple, calm language
Listen and respond to spouse thoughtfully to solve issues (Proverbs 18:13)
Spend more time thinking about “we” than “he/she”

Be Intentional

Men and women don’t meet each other’s needs in marriage by accident. There are habits that couples have that greatly increase their satisfaction. Do things that proactively bring the two of you together as a married couple.

Let it start and continue with you doing your part (2 Corinthians 5:10)
Slip a love note in the car or in their pocket
Tell your spouse what they do well as a parent/spouse
Make time for physical intimacy throughout the week when you are able to (1 Corinthians 6:18-20)
Praise your spouse in front of others and do not talk down to them in public
Say thank you often for what they do for you and others, no matter how small (Colossians 3:15)
Bring up a topic that lights up your spouse, ask questions and have a conversation
Communicate is key so process together the hard things like fears, worries, results, scans
Do the hard work of breaking down large disagreements into the parts that can be discussed one at a time
Discuss ways you can work together to meet the needs of your child and any siblings

It takes a lot of work to maintain a marriage but having your spouse by your side through thick and thin, sickness and health can add so much comfort, security and enjoyment to life. Share what works for you in our community group.