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Category: For Community

Volunteering to help kids
For Community
October 6, 2022

Volunteering to Help Kids with Cancer

The Sumpter family served ours in the most amazing way during a Lighthouse Retreat for families going through a cancer journey. I mean, they brought us meals, cleaned our space, watched all of our children and contributed financially for us to attend the retreat. I just had to go back and find out what is was like to serve as a family in such a big way. Here is the interview I had with mom and high school teacher, Angela Sumpter.

Alexis: “We met at Lighthouse Retreats where you volunteered to serve families on childhood cancer journeys. What moved you to serve this group?

Angela: I had heard about Lighthouse through my church, and it seemed like something I wanted to be a part of. Like kids, I like working hard and having fun.

Alexis: First, let’s talk about taking care of a child with cancer. Many friends and family wouldn’t volunteer to do this but you did it for a stranger. We were very thankful by the way. How did you feel about this and how did you get over any fears about taking this on?

Angela: When I first thought about being on a retreat with kids that have cancer I thought it would just be too sad. So, I asked people about it that had been before and they assured me that while there can be some sad moments, overall we try to fill the days living in the moment, creating memories of joy and laughter for the families. I was a little nervous about what to say and what to ask and not ask, but in general the families are so gracious and are happy to communicate with who they are partnering with.

"I would say, 'Just show up.'"
Angela Sumpter

Alexis: Serving required a lot out of you and I want to get into your thoughts and feelings about all of it. You babysat a one year old on prescription medications, a feeding tube you had to be careful with and who was used to being with mom all the time. Then, you raised funds for your family and ours to go on retreat. You also took time out of every day on your retreat to clean and bring meals to us.

Angela: Serving is for sure hard work sometimes. When we were paired with your family, we had our own three kids, and your three kids – so 6 kids at the pool – with floaties, snacks, sunscreen…plus making sure Cayden was ok. So there of course were moments where it could get a little stressful. But once we got everyone where they needed to be it was so good! The boys played in the pool and watching them laugh and jump and just be in the moment is so heartwarming. And holding Cayden and praying over him was a privilege. It’s also an opportunity to show my own kids what it means to put others first- not just once- but every day, all day, for an entire week.

Alexis: So how did you raise funds for two families to go on retreat? That sounds like a large commitment in itself.

Angela: Since my husband Reggie hosted the retreat, that sort of “paid” for our retreat so we did not have to raise the funds. For others, I know they start early! They do things like post on facebook for their birthday things like “please donate to LFR for my birthday this year” or send out letters asking for support as you would for a mission trip.

Alexis: How did your family feel waking up early every day while they were at the beach to bring us food and take care of our kids?

Angela: Well, I had young kids, and they wake up early anyway! Lighthouse does a great job of making everything fun- so going down early wasn’t too bad for the family since there was always music, games, donuts, and smiling faces waiting for us when we got down there to pick up the food. It’s fun the be the one to show up with breakfast and get to tell kids “hey, it’s going to be another awesome day at the pool!”

Alexis: What did it mean to you attending a toddler’s funeral knowing he passed just a few short months after meeting him?

 

Angela: It was an honor to attend Cayden’s funeral. As a mom also of 3 boys, my heart was aching for the whole family. I wanted them to feel loved and supported. I wanted Cayden’s family to know that we believed even though his life was short, his life mattered. He was dearly loved.

 

Alexis: Was this a one time thing or do you and your family serve in other ways?

 

Angela: We have served at Lighthouse with the kids for 4 or 5 years. That’s our one thing we do as a family- it’s easy to do with the kids since it’s during the summer and they are out of school.

 

Alexis: What would you say to someone else wanting to support families with cancer?

 

Angela: I would say just show up. You don’t have to be an expert in anything. I sure wasn’t! If you have a willing heart and are ready to be flexible, you can make a big difference in someone’s life. I know raising healthy kids can be so hard, so parents raising kids battling cancer are doing so much. A meal, a kind word, a few hours to themselves, a clean load of laundry- all these things just help get them through the day and can give them time to focus on the good. And if you have your own kids – bring them along! They learn that working hard and helping others is FUN!

By Lexi Robertson
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For Community
August 28, 2022

Babysitting a Child with Cancer

I know the idea of taking care of a child with unique needs can seem daunting. Many parents won’t ask, knowing this and many wouldn’t agree to it. When someone is available to do babysitting for a child with cancer, even a couple hours is an enormous help. It allows them to decompress, take care of themselves or maybe have dinner together and support one another.

I interviewed Cynthia who babysat Cayden a few times and she shared how she managed to overcome fears and enjoy her time with him. Here is what she said:

What were some of your concerns about babysitting?

“I had concerns that the baby would get sick or be in pain and I couldn’t resolve his issues in a timely manner. Also, I didn’t think that I could comfort him and assure him that he was safe and cared for by me,” Cynthia confessed.

What do you wish you would have known beforehand?

I was given very good information about what Cayden liked to eat, his favorite toy, and his shows and songs were very helpful. I think anyone looking to babysit a child with challenges should spend time with the child prior to babysitting to learn their environment, likes/dislikes and personality,” she stated. “This would allow the child to like their potential caregiver.”

What helped you most while babysitting?

“It is important to know that there shouldn’t be fear involved when caregiving for anyone. The patient will realize this fear and become uncomfortable. One should be prepared, patient and treat everyone like they would want to be treated. Basically with love,” she shared.

What would you say to someone who wants to babysit, but is scared something might go wrong?

“Things may go wrong so having a plan of who to contact and immediate actions to take until professionals are available to help. And pray to God for strength and help!” she added.

 

We appreciate Cynthia’s willingness to share her story.  If you have had an experience taking care of child with cancer, please share it in our community group! We look forward to seeing you!

By Lexi Robertson
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For Community
August 22, 2022

Easy Meal Help

F

ood is a major cost when time and energy is cut short for cooking and more meals come from takeout or delivery. There are some easy ways that you, as a helpful community, can take some of this burden off of them. Mealtrain.com is a free site that makes it easy to coordinate meal drop offs with your village. The main organizer can check in with the family to find out the best time for meals, preferred foods and any allergies to be aware of. Then you can share the calendar through text, email or social media. Everyone picks a day that works for them to drop off a meal or donate a gift card.

This was super helpful for my family and we had extended relatives, strangers, and church family all signed up on the same sheet via social media. We appreciated meals that were cooked or delivered. Cooking good meals while constantly holding my needy toddler was a task so this went along way. Another option is signing them up for Lasagna Love. This is a volunteer site and neighbors bring a lasagna once per month to those signed up. You can sign up as a volunteer while you sign them up if you like! I had some of the best lasagna of my life through this! Whatever you can do, will be so appreciated. This really makes life easier!

By Lexi Robertson
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For Community
August 16, 2022

How to Help During Childhood Cancer Using Social Media

T

his is a situation when social media really has the power to shine and make a difference in someone’s life. How can you use it as a caring community member?

Love/Care/Share

First, smash that love button! Let the family know they matter to you by showing you care about the extreme pain they are facing. You could also follow it up with a sympathetic comment. I was one of the many fb users who used to share moments of my life throughout every week to the response of 0-10 people out of my hundreds of “friends”. Suddenly, after sharing our horrific, breath stopping news, people were coming out of the woodwork to show they sympathized. It seems so small but that’s why I’m telling you, it really does make a difference. It was like “What? John and Jane Doe really care?? After they ignored all of my birthdays and anniversaries, I thought our connection was over! Now they are praying for me.” Life is made up of little moments too, you know.

Prayer/Thoughts

Speaking of prayer, letting the family know you have them covered can really go straight to the soul if prayer is important to them. You can probably tell if it would be meaningful to them based on what you know of them and even non-religious families often appreciate the sentiment during tough times. For me and many others I know, just knowing that hundreds of people were praying for my child’s health and recovery brought tears of gratitude. Triple folded hands is okay but the short prayer written in the comments went further. My soul was strengthened and I was confident God’s mercy would follow us. If that’s not for you, you could also share that they are in your thoughts or follow up with a direct message letting them know you are there.

Donate Meals or Money

If you do only the things above, thank you! You may never hear it from the receiver when there is a lot on their plate and heart but don’t be discouraged. If it’s on your heart to go further, social media has ways to make caring for physical needs during a childhood cancer journey easier than before. You can share updates, fundraisers, and or meal trains.

I was literally BLOWN away by the generosity of our community. Like I said, I could barely get a dozen likes on my posts, year after year. I was too shy to even dare ask for help. My husband put a fundraiser out there one time and somehow people found it month after month, asked for it, and shared it. We traveled out of state for a top surgeon to remove 75% of our son’s liver and needed to stay there almost two months. Their generosity allowed us to make it there, feed ourselves, and make sure our other kids were cared for. It helped while I couldn’t work to care for our baby. It helped keep our house together when we were stretched thin during our personal nightmare AND a national pandemic at the same time.  I could go on and on. I will always remain extremely grateful for everyone’s generosity and especially the completely unexpected.

Final Takeaways

My perspective comes from a cancer journey that began during a national pandemic (which my husband took seriously), hours away from the nearest relative and in between churches so social media was extra meaningful. I’m not saying don’t have actual drop ins, hugs and meals together. There IS value to social media support, though, for those who may not know it and every little bit helps. My heart is warm just knowing there are people out there who want to know how to help others during their horrible situations. It isn’t everyone but for those who are brave enough, I believe you are showing humanity at it’s finest. You’re appreciated and keep loving!

What are your thoughts about social media during a cancer journey? We welcome you to share them in our community group!

By Lexi Robertson
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For Community
August 16, 2022

What to say when someone’s child has cancer

I

am an advocate of leaning in and just doing your best. That’s what everyone is doing. The family, the doctors, the child. Trying makes a difference. Use wisdom, but don’t be afraid to go for it.

Still, most people don’t like wasting their time for the other person to say “No, thanks!” It’s also definitely awkward to break down how your attempt to help actually didn’t make anything better. Even so, this worst case scenario might be better than nothing. You showed care which is still valuable and maybe learned how to do it even better next time.

Here are some examples of things you can say to help make sure the family is ready to receive.

Offer to Help

“I am sending you/would like to sign you up to ______”. This is perfect for those who are connected but they haven’t asked you for help before. You are letting them know it’s no bother at all and you are in fact, already working on it. You also still give them the option to say, “Wait, I already have that covered,” or “That isn’t necessary,” if they would object to it.

“Here is my number if you need ____.” This is perfect for that person whose number you don’t yet have. Be specific on what you are available for. Venting, babysitting, cleaning the house, getting them out of the house, pet help, lawn care, advice, etc. “Call me anytime you need _(specific)_,” works well for people who are already on a texting/calling status.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” This one has gotten a bad rep for being vague but is really best used when you are really close. You would know they already feel very comfortable coming to you for help because they have asked for your help in the past.

Encourage

“You are showing so much strength.” Now I know not everyone likes this one because it could make people hide their weaknesses. I would say to that, praise them in the open, check on them privately. Not that any parent is looking for praise when they share pictures of their kids in hospital gowns. The part that was uplifting to me was finding that purpose in my pain. Like, maybe me going through my struggle is helping someone else. This goes back to connection, what life’s all about, right? You could also say “I can tell you’re doing your best.”

“How are you doing?” Wow, this one is powerful because it allows them to take the lead. However, make sure you are in a space to follow whether that is going someone bright and sunny or dark and heartbreaking. You can communicate your openness by saying something like, “I’m sure you have mixed emotions,” or “However you are feeling, I want to support you.”

“I am praying for you/thinking of you!” I go into more depth on how helpful this is on this post.

Help Reflect

“How are you changing?” Yeah, maybe they can talk to a therapist but you can talk to them too. They may appreciate having an opportunity to share the deeper thoughts that have been coming up lately. If they seem into it, keep along the same lines. “What ways is this different than every other hard time you’ve experienced in life?” Or, “How is the rest of your family doing?”

“Do our conversations make you feel better?” Sometimes, you may feel like your friend sounds worse at the end of the conversation than they did at the beginning. If they give any response other than yes, see if there is another way to approach things. Maybe give a video call and talk to their child. If you usually meet at their house, try meeting someone relaxing or fun. If you usually meet out of the house, try going to their house and step into their shoes. Point out something charming that’s next to that medicine rack, or that their sick child still looks beautiful, or what a great job they are doing.

“After our talk yesterday, ___________.” What do you do if you feel overwhelmed? It’s okay to let your friend know your limits but how you do it can be the difference between a now non-existent relationship and having a more balanced relationship. Hopefully, you have been keeping them in the loop with what is going on in your life from the start. Even if what they are going through seems more discussion worthy, they actually benefit from accepting the world still hasn’t started revolving around them and they are connected to a bigger picture. So then, be specific as to what part of your life is being affected negatively. “My wife has been wanting to spend more time with me”, “I was really late feeding my kids after we talked for two hours”, “I have been more stressed wondering if my kids are going to get sick”. Also, (important!) offer a solution so your friend doesn’t feel like they need to disappear.


What are your thoughts and experiences with this? Share below or in our Cancer Kids Resources group.

By Lexi Robertson